I love her
I love her but
She's the reason
The reason I have restless nights
The reason I dwell in tears
The reason I fall into hesitancy
It's because of her that I get gazed at
Because of her that my heart's damaged
I try to love her
They tell me she's hideous. 
She's obese.
lack nourishment and yet seen as a mountain.
Bones stick out yet all that is seen are the flaps. 
The flaps that were meant for protection are now a disease. 
Her visual perspective to others devours my mind.
It devours my soul. 
I try to love her but.
She's not light enough. 
Not pure enough. 
Too curvy. 
I have to hide her.
She hurts others.
Tempts others.
Is taken advantage of.
But I need to love her.
She's supposed to be perfectly imperfect. 
I'm told to love her but.
My mind. 
My soul.
Deep down.
damaged. 
Shamed.
Despised.
Sinful. 
A pure figure made ugly.
Ugly in every way.
Ugly from head to toe. 
Ugly to whom? 
The opinions?
The standards set?
The subconscious training of the mind?
I'm obliged to be.
obliged to be perfect. 
Perfect for.
 juxtapose to.
A beautiful function turned into an object. 
I can't just change her. 
She's been given to me yet I abuse her.
I despise her.
repress her.
Bruises that stay colored.
Wounds that stay scared.
But I love her.
I promise I try.